Ready

We recently marked the 1st death anniversary of my father
We had a get-together of about 100 friends and family
We remembered him ...
Honored him
Missed him


At some point we all raised a glass to a toast ...
A "toast to the immortal memory" of a man so well loved
We said that the day marked the crossover of our family from a period of grief into a period of happy memories
A time to move forward.

This - my blog was really started last year as a reaction to the sadness that I felt at his passing.
In a sense, I am writing for him
Hoping that he is somehow able to read these - the many words and stories that I was never able to tell him
Hoping that he is smiling down upon me and is sharing all these experiences with me

I miss Dad terribly
I miss being able to run to him
I miss eating with him
I miss talking to him
I miss listening to him
I miss watching him
I miss just being with him

But perhaps the time is after all, right
Right that I should move forward with him in my heart and in my mind rather than keep dreaming that he might suddenly be physically beside me again
Perhaps he left so that I could precisely learn to be strong enough by myself
Perhaps he felt I was ready
Perhaps he knew there was much for me to do ... alone
Perhaps these difficulties I am going through now are a continuation of his way of strengthening me
Perhaps ...

Perhaps he purposely stays in that little space in my heart to remind me that "it matters not how you die ...
What really matters is how you live."

Among all things, that is what he has taught me best

As I contemplate the inevitability of my own aging
And subsequently of my own mortality
I often close my eyes and in my mind sing a 1960's song that has always brought to mind the wonderful example that my father was to me:

In the morning of my life I shall look to the sunrise.
At a moment in my life when the world is new.
And the blessing I shall ask is that God will grant me,
To be brave and strong and true,
And to fill the world with love my whole life through.

(Chorus)
And to fill the world with love
And to fill the world with love
And to fill the world with love my whole life through

In the noontime of my life I shall look to the sunshine,
At a moment in my life when the sky is blue.
And the blessing I shall ask shall remain unchanging.
To be brave and strong and true,
And to fill the world with love my whole life through

(Chorus)

In the evening of my life I shall look to the sunset,
At a moment in my life when the night is due.
And the question I shall ask only I can answer.
Was I brave and strong and true?
Did I fill the world with love my whole life through

So - in my own life ...

Have I filled the world with love????
I tried ...
I know I have tried ...

My prayer is that I be fulfilled within myself

Convinced that I did my best.

It is after all in finding peace within ones self that one can find the peace that no number of warm and comforting hands can give ....

Live and live well.
At the end of your time ... remember and smile

Drown in happy memories ...
Go to the Light
Sleep tight
And have an eternally happy dream.

I learned that from you Dad

Thank you so much

I love you.