I am the eldest among my brothers and sisters. I am the eldest in my barkada. I am the eldest in my "golf group". I am the eldest in my eating group. I am the most senior in my office.
I am as they say - "older but wiser".
As such, I have become the adviser , the consultant , the shoulder to cry on, the counselor to many of my younger friends and family. As this blog progresses, it has become inevitable that I share with you every once in a while, some of the gems of wisdom that I have had to impart as part of my continuing mission to be of help to those around me.
Here is the first ...
a letter written to me about a year ago from someone that I hope I have helped to guide towards the right path.
Dear Ankul Dagul,
I'm writing you about Ben. ,
We're in our twenties and we both work in Makati. In fact, we used to be officemates. I've known him for almost two years now and all the time, I've been in love with him, although we are just friends and he has a girlfriend he intends to marry.
Angkul, I can't help but fall in love with him. He's perfect; responsible, intelligent, resourceful, thoughful, loving, sweet, caring, upright, kind, family-oriented and a God-fearing individual. His good looks is just an added bonus. I can't believe such a man still exists today and I will forever be thankful for his friendship.
It pains me to be so in-love with him because he and his girlfriend are perfect for each other and are so happy being together. I don't know if he's aware of my feelings for him. But winning his heart, I think, is out of the question.
His girlfriend is too precious for him. Losing her would truly hurt him, and I don't want to see him in pain. I know, however, that a part of me wishes for him to reciprocate my love. But he's just too good for me. He deserves someone better, like the girl he has now.
Knowing he's happy with her is enough consolation for me. I want his happiness even if it means my own despair. God knows how much I'm suffering. Writing this letter alone is already torture.
I've been trying very hard to forget him. I've done ways I know to free myself. Pero ang kulit talaga ng puso ko, ayaw sumunod. Angkul Dagul, I haven't seen or talked to him for a long time and I thought his absence would somehow cool down the feeling, but it hasn't. I dont want to miss him, but I do miss him terribly. How can I forget him?
Whenever I see a place, a thing or a situation, my mind automatically associates it with him. His memories occupy most of my waking and sleeping hours. His face pops into my mind in the middle of my lunch, when I'm talking with my friends, cleaning our house or just doing something which has nothing to do with him but reminds me of him anyway.
Odd, but true. I'm not bitter Angkul Dagul. I don't blame myself, him nor God for this situation. As a matter of fact, I'm thankful, painfully odd as it is, that this situation has made me the more mature person that I am now. But I can't help ask myself why should a woman, or a man for that matter, fall for another when they are not meant for each other?
Why Angkul? Why?
You know, whenever I pray, I always ask God to help me let go of this love. I just want to feel the same way he feels for me -- as a friend and nothing more. I know I can get through this because I believe that God wouldn't give me something He knows I can't handle.
Someday I will be able to smile again without being hurt when I remember him. God has His reason for all of these and until I know the reasons, I want to hear words from you.
Please Angkul Dagul, help me.
Angkul Daguls Advice:
Lintek kang bakla ka pinagod mo pa ako kababasa.
Ang haba ng letter mo !
Tigilan mo na ang ilusyon mo, hindi mo kayang ibigay kay Ben ang kayang ibigay ng girlfriend niya.
Sa susunod na sumulat ka pa sa akin, ipakakain kita sa buwaya !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!